Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
