do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
