even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
birth control should be required to get into college
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
