so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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