His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
