Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
