a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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