happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
