i don't like sucking hair
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
