my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
