Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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