and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
