Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
