the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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