you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
