Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize