i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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