Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
