dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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