she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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