You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think my vagina is haunted
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
