I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Text me some of your sweat
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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