if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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