so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
