I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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