Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
