i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
