So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
