My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
