I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
