no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize