It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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