i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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