Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
