I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
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We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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