its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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