I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
