This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Randomize
