THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
