worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
