He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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