Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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