I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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