ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
