i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
