i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
