ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
