ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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