We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
