this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
