Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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