i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is my gift to your gina
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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