Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
