your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
