First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
