I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
