I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
