when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i came on her dog
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
