i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
