My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
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Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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