i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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