ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
