I'm eating all of the evidence.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
