I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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