Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
