They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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