I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
