i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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