I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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