You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
