Where is the hickey?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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