Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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