I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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