my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
