My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
