I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
