you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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