end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
