i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
