I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
