I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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