Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
