she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
